January 1, 2006

Most Pretentious Journalists of 2005

By In Essays

10. Chris Matthews
Pretends to be tough because he’s from Philly. Where in Philly, he never says. I’ll tell you one thing– it isn’t South Philly. His show should be called “Hard-on,” because all he ever does is stroke his guests and himself as he does his fast talking, Catholic schoolboy impression of Walter Winchell.

9. Andrea Mitchell
Any journalist who sleeps with Alan Greenspan and hobnobs with the Washington elite should resign immediately and become another crooked lobbyist in Washington.

8. Dan Rather
After getting screwed around by the Bush administration and his bosses at CBS, you’d think he’d have the guts (especially at his age and in his financial position) to go on the talk shows and tell the truth about how rotten and corrupt his profession and the Washington establishment have become. Instead he just equivocates and looks dopey.

7. Tom Brokaw/Ted Koppel
Hard to believe, but these two guys are even more annoying in retirement than they were as news anchors. Just listen to them pontificate about their careers without ever admitting how they sold out to big money and never laid a glove on their corporate masters.

6. Tim Russert
Tim’s idea of being a tough questioner is to ask an obvious question, proceed with an obvious follow-up, and then let his guest off the hook no matter how many lies he or she tells. Of course, that’s one question more than Larry King asks. Then again, Larry King’s show is about entertainment– not hard news or analysis.

5. Jim Lehrer
Same as above– only worse– because he allows himself to be used as a moderator at presidential debates where he has about as much control (and integrity) as a referee at a professional wrestling match.

4. Matt Lauer
Where in the world is
 Matt Lauer? Who the fuck cares? Here’s a guy who makes Brian Gumbel look sincere as he beats up on Kitty Kelly and takes a tongue lashing from Tom Cruise. At least his partner, Katie Couric, has a noble cause she supports– as well as being cute as a button!

3. Jamie Gangel
Has her head so far up the ass of the Bush administration, she’s choking on Big Oil. Even worse, she doesn’t even feign any type of professional objectivity.

2. Bob Novak/Judy Miller
Both of them unabashedly maintain their journalistic integrity as they prostitute themselves on a daily basis to the sleaziest power brokers in Washington and beyond.

And the number one most pretentious mainstream journalist of 2005– hands down:

1. Bob Woodward
Went from being a journalistic icon to just another apologist for the Bush administration. Needs to take a year off, go out to the desert and meditate, then take some serious hallucinogenic drugs.

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